Saturday, May 15, 2010

Saturday Night Fever

I think I know what the heck I'm doing and I imagine myself doing what I normally would do on a Saturday night and then.. I don't feel like going and I don't want to leave again. I guess I'm feeling lonely but I don't want to be with people. That seems odd to me. Trying to find things to be grateful for because I feel sorry for myself. Maybe its a statement of contrasts. Who knows .. I don't seem to be able to make any decisions lately. Thanks for looking. You know I was looking at these photos and thinking its not that it's broken as much as what's holding the pieces together. Its the connection that intrigues me.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Another week gone by

I still can't believe that another week is over. I feel like I've been wandering around wondering which road to take. I had an email from someone that I have been writing too about spiritual things and got the impression that he was ending the conversation and for some reason this really poked me and I found myself feeling this avalanche of emotion. I went to bed and cried for what felt like hours. When I awakened in the morning I felt like I had a hangover.. a crying all night feeling hangover. Distance always has a way of reshaping the events or giving one a perspective that emotions seems to cloud. I realized that the emotion was totally not in line with what was happening. So why did that happen? I decided that I was triggered about feeling rejected. God knows I've had plenty of rejection and some felt so deep that it cut to the center of my soul and while I may not be able to put my finger on the exact one rejection that hurt the most, i wonder if it may be collective. The sum of all rejection was experienced at that moment. Maybe I cried a big piece out of my heart so that the next time I might feel this way it won't hurt quite so much. Who knows ..but it certainly clouded my whole week and it makes it difficult to leave the house. So yeah I feel a tad depressed but .. it'll get better. Things change.. so does life. I sure do miss the followers that had commented .. .