Day 76 Still having fun

Today is day seventy six and I just don't feel like thinking about anything really. Yesterday was a strange and stressful day and the best part of it was creating the portrait on the rusted denim and sitting there just mindlessly stitching away .. I do love the practice of stitching and as many of my stitching acquaintances and friends will tell you they find it addicting also.. so I am really enjoying the stitching aspect or adding it to the portraits. It really just reminds me of another project I hope to start after I finish this one. I have too many things that I want to do .. 

So what happened yesterday? My dad likes to mow my lawn, I offer to do it but he has to bring the mower here because I don't have one. Since he's here he likes to mow it. Yesterday was the mowing day and he was bringing me a piece of furniture from my mom and dad's room from the old house .. we left the mower in the front yard because that piece still needed mowing, we went move the furniture, which took about ten minutes. He left the mower by the sidewalk. I noticed dad was a bit winded from moving and removing furniture and so I offered to mow that little piece and he said OK !!! so I went to do it and there was no mower .. someone had carted it off. I noticed that the neighbor was sitting in the front yard across the street and I said did you see someone take the mower? She said "Yes" I said "why didn't you say anything? " she said "i didn't know that he wasn't supposed to take it, I thought it was trash" .. I apologized and told her it wasn't her fault and asked her what the vehicle looked like and she described it and then I looked down the street to the left and saw a vehicle like it driving away from us and asked her if that was it? She said yes that's it.. so yep .. i ran into my house and got my phone and gave chase to this van and I saw it and it turned at a light and then the light turned red .. by the time the light was green .. it was gone .. no where to be seen. I had called the police while I was in the car and told them I would just meet the police back at the house.. and my dad left. HE was not happy but he blamed himself for this ... the mower was still hot. It was not by the curb it was by the sidewalk. I guess if you want to get rid of anything at all just set it outside .. people will take it without even asking for sure if you wanted to get rid of it. The good news is that someone spotted the van later in the day and gave me the license plate .. still haven't heard anything yet. The officer said he would call me either way. Who knows .. so that's the story .. in my everyday life.. what a day. 

If you would like to own today's portrait just email me at iwilldream4ever@aol.com it is the price of the day. This one is about 71/2 x 10. See you tomorrow .. 

Day 75 Mending my heart with Stitches and Tears.

Today is day 75 and woohoooo .. it's not midnight and I'm still tired but .. it's not a torturous attempt to get the portrait done before the clock strikes twelve and I turn into a pumpkin again....

I have done stitching on faces before but I really want to try to combine two things here .. actually three. This is rusted denim that I have painted a portrait on and then I have stitched threads in sashiko style stitching. I really love how this looks .. and so this marks my three fourths of the way through. I have only twenty five days left to paint portraits. It's amazing really that I have gone so far .. and I have learned so much.

A note to my self..... I see you.... .. I hear your heart and I know that you are having a hard time saying goodbye to things.. that held the happiness and love of a mother .. the things that she surrounded herself with to make her happy.

What I notice is that my dad has built a new house with no sign of my mother. His words are there is nothing feminine. He misses my mother, he feels strange in the new house, there is something missing... no longer the touch of his wife. No longer the things surrounding them that she loved. Her energy is not there.. he misses the familiarity of his old home. The sunshine on the river water .. even though he didn't sit and gaze at it.. it was always out the window. I notice that it is never expected all these feelings that he struggles with. He didn't think this would happen. He thought it would make it easier..but he doesn't feel her presence in the new place .. not that things embodied her but that you saw her in the color of the pillows.. you saw her in the arrangement of the art. You saw her in the flower's that sat in every corner,  on tables and over doors and windows.. all of that is gone. I don't think we think about that.. I really don't know for sure what causes these attachments to things that I struggle with my self. We are selling a lot of things .. and I have a looming sense of fear that something will go away that I should have taken .. or that I should not sell.? Where does this come from? I don't know .. it's holding on .. .it's pain. All I can do is cry .. they are just things. They are just things ... I know she is in my heart.. Perhaps that's the mending in this portrait.. Mending my heart with stitches and tears.

I may not part with this portrait either .. but if you would love to own this one send me an email at iwilldream4ever@aol.com. Thanks for stopping over and I'll see you tomorrow.

Day 74 and I'm tired.

Today is day 74 .. and here it is again after midnight .. i'm tired.

This portrait is painted on a piece of rusted and walnut dyed fabric. I am doing a class with Katrina Rodabaugh called Slow Fashion Style. This portrait is stitched onto a piece of rust dyed fabric as a way of combining my love of portraits and stitching. :) I have acquired all of my mom's fabric .. there is a lot. Right now we are doing a garage sale at my mom's house .. while my dad is starting to down size after moving to a new house. I want to keep everything .. I can't keep everything but I still want too .. this is a struggle .

This portrait is about 9 x 11 and .. will have more stitching then what is here .. if you would like to own this portrait just email me at iwilldream4ever@aol.com.

Have a good day .. again I struggle .. but it will get better soon.. See you tomorrow..

7th Day of 100 faces in 100 days

Well looking back on yesterday given the situation the day before that .. i guess i was really just completely saddened by everything........and it's just a horrible feeling to feel powerless. So the weight on my heart was heavy yesterday ...i felt as though i was feeling some of the collective sadness in the world...nearly overwhelming. I suppose its a lesson in taking better care during those times. Perhaps some meditation in the garden would have been good. A long chat with my neighbor was welcome relief. So i see that in today's portrait there seems to still be some lingering sadness. Who doesn't have some of that...?
I am still excited about pushing myself to do this..i know it can and already has had an effect that is positive and good so far and we are only on day seven.

So .. thanks for the friends that poked me yesterday when i was really feeling down and made me laugh or just get by.

I have lots of good ideas percolating in my brain. And I look forward to the mornings of painting.  And these as always are for sale .. days are the price so today's face is $7. Leave me a comment or email me and it's yours! Thanks for watching. oh and this is 7" x 11" on rusted fabric. :) oh and if you are on facebook .. I'd love it if you would like my page.

Day 6 .. of 100 faces in 100 days.. what I think

Ok .. not hyper realistic.. it is an experiment and doing today's painting I had a lot going on in my head. So I decided to just do that .. not pretty I guess. SO here's what comes up .. i think everyone wants to see pretty pictures. I want everyone to love me .. so i want everyone to like what I paint. Sometimes i take myself way to seriously .. I want artist friends to like my work and some do but many don't say anything. I think what they think .. or let me say I tell a story to myself about why they do or do not do something I want. When I put it out there like this I realize how ridiculous that sounds. So I really just want to be honest with myself .. when I went onto facebook this morning I really didn't want to post this image. I really thought .. well they (who are they?) are not going to love this, because it's not a beautiful face .. not lovely .. not refinely finished. I judge myself pretty harshly .. i write letters and get no response and I imagine what they think .. i assure you it isn't good what i imagine their reasons are. I get angry.. and no one likes to be around angry negative people. So .. why does it come up that way? Change is hard.. not sure how I can only paint pretty pictures. I'm just putting out my honest feelings. I want things to be different for me. Not be so serious. I do love painting and I love faces and eyes. Doesn't every person even the ones that dont look like magazine images of beautiful men and women want to be loved for who they are. I can be angry about that but in the end i picture me stomping my feet and wanting to scream just love me .. and i can't see people running up to that. So .. do you tell people that? Or just don't ever really tell the truth and hope you'll get better at enjoying your life and what is around you. So .. thanks for stopping over and reading my rant today if you did. Tomorrow's another day .. it's only day six in this experiment ..hmmmm lots more days to go. haha..

Day 5 of 100 Faces in 100 days

This morning a friend called while I was in the middle of painting day 5's painting and asked if i wanted to go somewhere.. i thought .. o.......no .......i have to finish this. I could do it later. No .. got to get this done. Then I hear the pressure in my head that today's painting must be better better better ..than yesterdays. So it's interesting to notice these things. IT's not about being better.. it's about doing another one and getting into the routine of daily painting. Most day's I end up doing alot of other art as well .. so for me it's about Inertia. The definition of which is a resistance to any physical object to change it's state of motion or lack of motion. I want my state to be moving, continuing to paint, create, make. I notice the resistance .......i am enjoying however the process. Mostly having to notice what's in my head which is always processing and thinking. Now .. i'm going to head to the beach and .....walk and enjoy the sand and sun. This is today's painting .. Girl 5. for sale for $5. on rusted fabric about 7 x 10 inches. Thanks for stopping by .. could always use the encouragement. Thanks. :)

Day 4 of my personal challenge to paint 100 faces in 100 days.

So little it seems to say ........i am finding that this challenge is at least giving me something to look forward too every day. I do love painting faces. I do find that i wonder how they stack up, finding i want to be grouped in with other artists or feel as important or as good as or something. I want to be positive and I guess that the painful truth is lately I am so negative ..  so rather than talk about that part. I am really happy with the results so far. I am enjoying the process and what it will teach me. I am excited about the results it will give me and my drawing/painting skills.

Thought i'd just put it out there .. i am thinking i'll just make extra and post more then one time a day .. maybe they don't all have to be painted. I did say 100 faces .. not 100 painted faces. hmmmmmmm

well it is good to just have a record of what I'm doing here. I paint a while and now i'm going to do some stitching . ... stitching feels like melodic therapy to me. I'll post those results if i get any. Thanks for stopping over to read my ramblings.

The face is about 71/2 by 11 and is acrylic paint on rusted fabric. Send me an email if you would like to purchase it. Every day the price will go up a dollar.. the day is the price. I'd love to read your comments. I post these on FB too on my page https://www.facebook.com/MyArtOfHearts?ref_type=bookmark to try to keep myself accountable to my friends.  I'd love it if you would like my page. I seem to need the motivation of saying it out loud to the world to get myself going .. jumping in with faith. Hoping you will notice if something doesn't continue .. hoping you will spur me on. Hoping i won't need it and i'll just do it ........cause i love too. .....:)

Day 3 of 100 faces in 100 days

Well i've been pleasantly surprised at the response to the faces. Hope it keeps up .. it's fun to do ..

I know that this will only be a good experiment because it will give me more experience and it will keep me busy.

Today has gone by too fast and it's a late hour to be adding day 3. I hope to do it sooner every day.

This one is still available. $3

Please share with your friends.

THanks for looking!!!

Day 2 of 100 Painted Faces in 100 days

So here I am on day two, I figure if i keep this up I will just increase my skill for faces. This one seems a bit flat but it's not about perfection for me .. it's an experiment and I think it's going to be a good challenge for me to stay motivated. For sale also .. $2. just message me if your interested.

It's all good. I'm excited just to do it.

Thanks for looking.

Spring and Life and Loss

 On the 18th of March I lost one of my very best friends. It was a very long hard day. I am doing my best to remember all the goodness she brought me. Her name was Misty. I loved her much more than I realized. She was very smart and always had great love and compassion. She played with her toys with great joy and I was always amazed at how carefully she played with her squeak toys never tearing them up or injuring them. They would last for years and years.  She stayed near me always by my feet. No matter where I was she wanted to be there. She was happiest sitting on the front porch as in the photo of her older. I miss her so much it hurts to even type this. I find it hard to imagine that it has been nearly a month. I look for her. I try to just let myself have my grief. She is buried in front yard so I talk to her sometimes. Mostly I still just cry at the thought of her. I do still have another dog Molly and I know that she has also been grieving. She has helped me tremendously and I have had to transition from loss to acceptance so that Molly will not be as sad as I am. Seems silly to say that but I have noticed this makes a big difference in how she is when I am less grieved. Amazing animals and how they teach us to love with our whole heart. She was 14 but I always told her that she never really showed her age. The photo below was taken last summer.


So .. finally spring has taken hold here and there is new growth. Rain has caused an eruption of life. I am enjoying seeing the buds and the flowers and blooming of leaves. I am grateful for the warmer weather and glad to turn off the heat. I don't like the cold. So I am hopeful to keep coming back and posting. Here are some photos that I've enjoyed of spring. I love love love the fuzzy leaves.

 I really love these leaves. They look like hairy leaves but the hairs are soft. They grow big as big as 12 -15 inches wide. They are amazing. You can click on any of the photos to seem them larger.

 I am still working on being artist creator believing that I can sustain my life doing what I most love. I seem to always enjoy the times when I sit down and stitch. I find the repetition of straight stitches to be very soothing and I never seem to run out of things to create with this process. Below are some photos of a few things I have made. One is a necklace and the other is a bracelet. The bracelet doesn't seem to show up as pretty as it is in person.

 Then there is always a pot of rust or walnuts brewing in the yard. I find that I am still very much addicted to rust and walnut and anything fiber. I may just have to explore this area much much more. And there I am in a bucket of walnuts with fabric bathing in the rich browness of them. I like the slow ways more and more.

 These last two photos are what I consider composted fabric. I have left some of my fabrics outside and there is something really appealing to seeing what happens to fabric as it breaks down. Sometimes it makes me go back to my original intent of starting this blog with photo of broken glass. There is some measure of beauty in things that age naturally .. as naturally as they can when they are left to the elements even when they are man made fabrics or materials a variety of materials. I find that worthy of exploring. Hope you've enjoyed the ride along with me today. Thanks for stopping over.

New Year and Stitching Hope

 Happy New Year!!! I always love this time of year because I feel like the slate is cleared and I can start over. I know that I can start over every day if I want but there is something about the end of something and beginning of another. I'm grateful for all my experiences in 2012 and looking for more of them this year. I didn't spend a lot of time blogging last year but I do miss that. I thought about doing it every day but .. aaacccckkkk here it is the 11th already!!! So .. i'm going to start now and see what I can muster.
I love having creativity in my life every day. I still enjoy so many different things. I wonder if this makes you less if you don't focus on just one thing. I find it keeps me from ever being tired of creating. I think the biggest thing is feeling like I have so much to make ... how will I ever get it all done? I'm just going to keep going. Stitching, drawing, painting, sewing...
Hopefully, the new year will bring more structure and I will have the means to continue doing what brings me joy.

                                                                              
I love the feeling of stitching silk onto a blanket remnant I just love the texture it creates. The red above is a silk dress that I dyed .. it's never recommended to dye fabric that has commercial color because there is no way to know if there is something toxic in those chemicals but heck, we wear it don't we? I'm still committed to using recycled material to create with. As time goes on my mind is flooded with possibilities. I just loved the red color. It's going to be a small bag. I love making different bags. I have two started to share with you here. The second bag is all recycled material along with some over dyed fabrics. I guess the photos show the detail .. these make me happy. Thanks for stopping over and sharing my joy. I hope your year is filled with the same!!!