Saturday Night Fever

I think I know what the heck I'm doing and I imagine myself doing what I normally would do on a Saturday night and then.. I don't feel like going and I don't want to leave again. I guess I'm feeling lonely but I don't want to be with people. That seems odd to me. Trying to find things to be grateful for because I feel sorry for myself. Maybe its a statement of contrasts. Who knows .. I don't seem to be able to make any decisions lately. Thanks for looking. You know I was looking at these photos and thinking its not that it's broken as much as what's holding the pieces together. Its the connection that intrigues me.

Another week gone by

I still can't believe that another week is over. I feel like I've been wandering around wondering which road to take. I had an email from someone that I have been writing too about spiritual things and got the impression that he was ending the conversation and for some reason this really poked me and I found myself feeling this avalanche of emotion. I went to bed and cried for what felt like hours. When I awakened in the morning I felt like I had a hangover.. a crying all night feeling hangover. Distance always has a way of reshaping the events or giving one a perspective that emotions seems to cloud. I realized that the emotion was totally not in line with what was happening. So why did that happen? I decided that I was triggered about feeling rejected. God knows I've had plenty of rejection and some felt so deep that it cut to the center of my soul and while I may not be able to put my finger on the exact one rejection that hurt the most, i wonder if it may be collective. The sum of all rejection was experienced at that moment. Maybe I cried a big piece out of my heart so that the next time I might feel this way it won't hurt quite so much. Who knows ..but it certainly clouded my whole week and it makes it difficult to leave the house. So yeah I feel a tad depressed but .. it'll get better. Things change.. so does life. I sure do miss the followers that had commented .. .