Tuesday Twisted Telling

This is a photo of a tree painting that I did last year but never photographed. I totally love the look of the walnut stained paper. It's an early morning mistiness that feels sort of dream like. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a dream and I wonder when I'm going to wake up.

I woke up early this morning and fell back asleep. I woke up very upset that this very large and apparently very talented bug could not be contained in jar. Funny I have been thinking about this dream throughout the morning trying to understand what it means to me and just as I have typed this here I had a thought. I've always considered dreams to be all aspects of myself and when I referred to the bug as creative I thought maybe I am the bug. Strong and persistent and refusing to be held under a glass jar. But there I was trying with all my might to put the bug inside and he was at times bug and at times interesting little creature. But what woke me up was that I was most upset that I couldn't get it in there and bug was going to get out. I was afraid of what it might do when I really don't know if it was bad or not. Either way .. maybe more insight just posting it here .. I am also always trying to experiment. I really do enjoy playing with rust and stain and bleach. An interesting combination of things. Also I have a dilema. I am trying to clear out a few things that I have been storing in my kitchen. I can just bag them up and take them to the thrift store. I promised myself and a friend that I would do this today so that I would perhaps be more motivated to follow through. But as I look at all again I think of something that I can do with the fabric.. yes most of it is fabric or cloths of some kind. I certainly don't "need" any of it but .. i seem to want to do something with everything. Maybe I will be go back to something I said I would do last year and document it and maybe some how that will justify keeping it. haha .. all crazy things I tell myself. I have no attachment to the things just a feeling that I "might" use it for something creative. Well... I'll try it again and see what happens. Here are two experiments that I have ... I had these two great shapes of cardboard that were inside of some cheap frames that I recently bought and wanted to paint something on them. I wanted to see how some of the white on white would translate a bit bigger. Here they are;

I am mostly interested in how the color shows through the white paint. Something about this intrigues me. The one on the left is not really anatomically correct but I wasn't worried so much about it but I guess there is this part of me that still wants some level of perfection ... aaaccckkkk.... sometimes I can throw out that thinking and make whatever.

Anyway .. my Tuesday moment of messages.I feel scattered today...

Also I'm frustrated thinking that I like to do so many different types of creating and I just find I am so critical of myself for not picking one area. Maybe I should have called this my Tuesday Day of Dilemas. ...

Monday Mind Mining

Well can't give you a good reason why I just can't seem to get here every single day. I certainly have the time. There is just this part of me that wants to pour the words in here and just say whats on my brain but .. then you can't take it back. I don't think it matters that much but mining my mind can sometimes dig up some pretty strange things, thoughts, ideas or words. I am always wanting to share my feelings but then I guess in some ways it's like sharing paintings or sewings or writings .. you can either comment or not. I think I just want to say the words so they'll leave my mind mining less cluttered or messy from all the feelings that seem to want to stick to the inside of my heart. Maybe thats it .. just obscure the thoughts or feelings in really silly rhymes or just paint them or shoot them with a camera. Maybe some day I'll just figure it out and let it be what it needs to be.

I can't seem to pin down one single theme of work. I struggle with this notion that I should focus on one or maybe even just two different things to create as an artist. I love to paint different subject matter or with different mediums. I enjoy doing things with cloth and texture and discharge and dye. Sewing and stitching and writing stories.

I sometimes really just get out of the box in my former mindset and do some things that I would have never done. So here is a painting that I did on the top of some discharged fabric. This really excited me because I can't seem to stop looking at it. I never know why these things occur or if they are just my very own personal fascination with texture and the way that I can use paint. I am thinking a series of these would be very interesting.