Letting go and hanging on.

I took this photo some years ago. One morning I woke up and  looked out of my kitchen window and saw this incredible light streaming through the trees and the plants they were just glistening. I quickly grabbed my camera and ran outside. I wanted to capture these moments. 

On father's day I phoned home to wish my father a Happy Father's Day. He sounded a bit frazzled. I know that my mother has not been well and her age is finally slowing her to the point where her days are filled with only the bare necessities of life. I ask how things are. And so the news is difficult always to hear. She is sleeping. My heart begins to feel this pang. I tell my dad I love him and we say our goodbyes. And like the light ... the tears stream through my consciousness. My mother is slipping away to another place and I feel time going quickly. It's funny how life seems to have a pace about it that changes aren't always so noticeable and then suddenly it seems to be going so quickly. Already nothing will be the same. My mother is suffering from Alzheimers and it is like saying goodbye before they go .. only you know it and they don't really. Its undescribeable confusion intermingled with glimpses of true happiness or peace at seeing someone you love. IT's a loss .. I feel grief before it feels I should feel it. It's death before death. Goodbye before the end. Strange words it seems ....Feels like standing on the edge of a big hole which is deep and dark and scarey.  It's all a lot to manage in my head and still try to make a living being a creative person. 

I guess the work is a welcome distraction from reality. I am barely hanging on. Trying to hope above hope that I will sell some work so I can keep doing what I love. Trying to resolve my own fears so I can get it out there. Grateful to have a mountain of ideas and time to execute them. In my ideal world I can trade art or clothes or jewelry that I make for everything that I need. Everyone everywhere loves all that I create. Not sure how to get from here to there. 

Now for some showing and telling .. after discovering http://www.spiritcloth.typepad.com/ I realized how much I loved stitching. I really find that I love to do the running stitch and am totally addicted to the texture that it creates on cloth. I love the boro cloths and even the whole idea of them and that they are mended japanese kimono's that the peasants wore. In repairing them and passing them on from one generation to the other, the cloths became infused with memory of past generations. The fact that they did this and gave such meaning to their cloths .. kimonos or blankets really resonates with me. They had a belief of not wasting any cloth and used everything they had. It seems like we have become such a disposable society any more and I like the idea of hand made even hand me down. Hand stitching is especially appealing. So partly to make something that is not like everyone else .. to have an air of my flavor, to feel my artsy self .. to fit me in a way that makes me comfortable. I started to make my own clothes. I feel good in my clothes. I put my self .. my sense of design into everything I make. I feel good when I can add hand stitching to my pieces and sometimes they are hard to part with. I often alter the fabric with dye or design either with extracting dye or adding .. with deconstructing a garment and putting it back together in a way that fits me better. No two pieces are alike. They may appear similar but they are all different. I hate to throw out even a scrap. You can imagine how my studio looks !!! ha .. I make jewelry with the scraps. I am convinced that I can make something beautiful out of anything .. lol .. it reminds me of playing dress up .. it feels like pretend .. what if i do this? I wonder what it will feel like to wear this? Thats a big part of why I do it. It's fun!! 

I was talking to a dear friend that has several of my pieces and she told me that she was comfortable in my clothes. I have to say that many times I make clothes that make me feel good .. this is such a wonderful feeling to give another woman a feeling of comfort .. and good sense of individuality. And I cannot escape the wonderful feeling of knowing that I did infuse my good will into each piece. I remember a while back a fellow stitcher Arlee Barr sent me a book that she had two of and in the pages of the book she stashed some of her fabric and piece of stitched fabric .. it was an anatomical heart. I was so so so excited to get it. And I was deeply moved to have it. There was something very profound to just have the knowledge that she had touched it and made all the stitches on it. I can't explain why it is but I was aware of how I felt about that. And then there is my wedding dress. I designed it and my mother sewed it and hand sewed 2000 seed pearls onto it. I am not married any more. Friends have suggested I part with the dress. I just can't. I can't let go of my mothers stitching and love that I know was infused into that dress. I DID take it out of the box that it was in for over 30 years. It's now hanging in my closet. I WIll do something with it. Not sure what yet but I will. well this is turning into a rather long post .. so I'll just share one of the pieces I did with stitching and old doilies and a shirt. I even made a rose with leaves from some eco dyed silk. Thanks for stopping over. I feel better now that I put it ALL out there haha .. 

Flat Out Under Pressure

A few weeks ago I participated in an event in my hometown called the title of this post. The purpose was to compete with other local artists to win a spot on a trash bin. Doesn't sound to illustrious but if you won one of the top eight spots you won a little cash and the top winner won an all expense paid trip to Tuscany. I thought that alone was worth the try .. cause you just never know. So I did the necessary things to enter and after 24 hours of effort. Oh you had 24 hours to create something and turn it in. Here is what I created. A collage of rusted papers and cloths and my painting and cutting and arranging and it all came together. I was very happy with the results of this work. I didn't win but that's ok because I had a blast creating. I had spent most of the day outside working on this because I just seem to be happier outside and while I was out there something kept buzzing my shoulder and when I looked I noticed it was a dragon fly and this made me very happy so I included him in the painting. If you look closely you'll seem him in there. So overall a good experience and if it happens again next year, I'll try again !!!! Oh and for those of you that have been following me I've just been busy so I haven't posted so much but I'm hoping to pick it up again soon!! ANd more photos to come too. THanks for stopping over and I'd love to hear your thoughts!!!

The Finished Quilt

I can hardly believe I finally finished it. There were so many things that distracted me along the way and I must say that I finally see how much of a commitment there is to such an endeavor. There are so many stitches in this. And no there are no fancy stitches or perfectly lined up edges .. but it still manages to be a wonderful  quilt. The edge that I decided to go with was a recycled dyed t-shirt. The wonderful ochre/greenish color just seemed to be the perfect compliment to the black and grey and greens in the main parts of the quilt. It has an overall earthy feel to it and I just have to say .. I was really really pleased with the outcome.

Several of you have asked about the discharged leaves on the dark gray fabrics. Those were done using actual leaves in my yard. I either painted or sprayed the underside of a leaf where the veins are and then pressed onto the fabric and then the other images I simply used a branch of leaves as a stencil and sprayed the area around the leaves. This left a lovely impression of the leaf shapes. The center Leopard that you will see in the full finished quilt on the bottom was painted freehand by me with bleach also .. I have given some thought to creating an online class of my discharge techniques with more detail of my methods. Leave me a comment if you'd be interested in that.

Probably the most unexpected outcome of having done this quilt was the joy that I had in giving it away. I felt as though I learned a lesson. If you've never tried it .. you should!!

So here is the finished quilt. I had to climb up a ladder to see the whole thing. I suppose I could have put it up on a wall but I really don't have a good one for that. .. The very last thing that I had to do was wash it to make sure that everything stayed together and that any parts didn't shrink up and change everything. I was pleased that it washed up so nicely and it was even softer than before, a great cuddle blanket. I shipped it that same day and the owners have it and their son Royce loves it. And that made my day. Thanks everyone that came and posted on the previous blog post about this quilt. It's meant a lot to me to have your comments.
And please feel free to leave any for this one .. Goodness and light to all of you.

The Emptiness and Gratitude of Fall

I decided today to post here on my blog since it's been a while. I happened over to Jude Hill's blog Spiritcloth and felt led to add something new. Perhaps no one knows what people think in their heads .. i try to stay out of mine but often there is just too much in there ha ... and it's good (although at times scary) to have a place like this to put them. I still continue to find myself attracted to the little creatures that I run across on the property where I live. With this one there is a little story. I was out walking my dogs one morning and often I am looking where I am going and watching the dogs and just plodding along. This morning I guess I had my head down, it was cold and wind was brisk, my eyes were watering. As I walked a long I noticed this guy walking on the road. A long way away from water. My molly dog is mini dachshund and she is always finding something to get ahold of and for its fate I guess the little crustacean did not get seen by her. I'd say he was and she were lucky to have not run into each other as those pinchers there could really do some damage I'm afraid. So .. we walked past and I steered them clear on the way back home. I decided that this guy was so unusual to me that I would find my camera and go back to take some photos. So as you can see I did make it back and really searched for several minutes to find him. He stopped for a while and let me take some photos and when he realized that I posed no threat to him he continued his valiant effort to go somewhere. I know we have several streams that are nearby but he was far from any body of water. We had a few rainstorms during that previous few days but I didn't think we had any flowing streams by the road that would have somehow pushed him out into the expanse of this land. Nonetheless he was there .. in the middle of the road and i took several photos and just watched him going. I wanted to see where he was going and I knew that there was a stream up ahead. I think it may have taken hours to get there at the rate he was going and as the time passed he squeaked with every step. My lack of patience got the better of me and I decided to help him a long. With a piece of trash and a stick I carefully held him down and carefully walked him to the stream, which I am happy to say he is now in ... unless of course he decided to visit the neighbors up the road. And also you can see that the leaves have all gone now and there is little green left. Even the leaves on the ground have been crunched over and I have to hunt to find a whole leaf. I find myself more lonely with the grayness of these days.. so many gray days strung together, some rain and forced inside where the lights are low and the work is stifled with little room. But this day I was grateful to find this guy. I know he would have made it on his own. I didn't want to risk having a car drive over him. Silly ....i've grown attached to the creatures. More writing below. 

 

 

 

        I couldn't post about a crawdad with out wondering what it's showing up in my life now means. As with all things there is some lesson to learn here. Perhaps this seems odd but I take these events as wonderful gifts from the earth.....it's nice to have a conversation with the earth. I have been busy creating. I did want to also share some of that. I have been enjoying the process of discovery that pushing through things gives me. Here are some things I've been doing. Mind you .. this is just some of it. Thanks as always for stopping over and having a look .. I've got so many more things to say .. it just takes time away from painting and playing and making art. :) Stop by again soon! 

 This is discharged on the back of a garment. On the right is the close up of the eye. I read in Jude's blog today that they are talking about eyes there. I love eyes and always have.

Below is another discharged painting on fabric. Sometimes I wonder if it is a waste to do these since they will continue to eat the fabric.....maybe then I can just look at them as temporary works of art. As you can see .. the eyes just seem to peer through you. Next to that is more discharge just using leaves as a stencil. I love botanical designs.

 Below is rust on colored fabric. I have made several of these that I am going to be using in a few projects. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the color combinations here. Did I tell you that I love these colors together????

More botanical and did you notice that the leaves sort of resemble feathers????  and another painting on fabric. I guess as I continue I care less and less about what someone would think .. and even though you may think that is not something you would do .. meaning that you do care .. i mean this in a way that .. for me .. if I decide that I want to try something I say to myself .. why not? Just do it...who cares? THere is no wrong way really. Who decides what is right. And yes saying that reminds me that there has been much time in my life when I strived to do things, make art, create, do what I want to do but by the rules by what the teacher says to do ... maybe it's taken me all my life to just do what ever I like . ... seems silly but still true.
 and again with the eyes. I love to paint eyes. They seem to say so many things ...they look into your gut with out your even knowing. They see all that is hidden without telling. They say the truth .. and what you see is in you ......

 Another leaf that reminds me of a feather. and below the sunset that I witnessed with that fiery blood red sky ... the furnace of the earth ending another day ....illuminating the sky with brillance. Such a lovely sunset. Such a lovely day. I miss the summer.

Tuesday Persistent Payoffs!!!!! YAY!!

 Ok. so after staying with the blog following and reading and reading and more reading sometimes it's just time to do and do and do some more experimenting. FINALLY... i decided to try the silk.. and the metal and ... wait... ok I didnt wait as long as I could have perhaps on some but there is always the future. Somebody told me once to take bigger steps in attempts to get a different result because if you kept taking little tiny steps who knows how long it will take to get the result you were looking for. Hmmmm wonder if that applies to life too? I've been in a hard space..........there are lots of aches and pains. Sometimes I do feel alone even though I know there are people that love and care for me. These cloths really keep me excited about waking up. Now it feels like the whole world is a new media and I just found a big big big box of new crayons. Yes yes ... YES!!!!! Thanks for stopping by and please leave a note .. it keeps me going .. for real.
More to come......