Today I went and picked the first fruits available at the local fruit farm. The blackberries are so big you can see they fill up the teaspoon that one is laying in. Amazing. I think I will fix a blackberry cobbler and the raspberries .. hhmmmmmm i have eaten alot of them already. Perhaps something chocolate with raspberry sauce. yummmy....... I'm trying to finish uploading my photos of the tshirts. I get so distracted by my life. I have all this time on my hands and yet it seems to slip away so quickly. I don't know what to do first sometimes. I have lots of cleaning that needs doing.. lots of art that is made and needs to go up for sale. Lots of things to make into something. It's just so many things.... where to start where to start. First I will eat blackberries!!!  haha...

Tuesday

The above photo is a great frame that a friend of mine made for me several months back. I was out thrift shopping and found these great bolts and nuts and thought if i had a whole bunch of them I could make this frame for a potholder rug myself and I called my friend and asked him a question about the bolts. He told me to come over. I showed him what I wanted and we built it together and then we had a great mexican dinner lol!!  I finally got around to putting it together and had the fabric so i spent several hours cutting and then several more hours weaving and this is what I got .. after taking it off the frame its about a 5 foot x 7 foot rug. It's yellow. I love it .. Sadly my house is such a disaster that I don't even have a place to lay it. I have it folded on the bed. I'm planning to give it to my friends wife since he is the one that made the frame and provided the wood. My fingers are sore from the cutting. But I want to make more. Now that I know how it all goes together. It was fun! You know I get all happy knowing that I have talents and am able to draw and make art and create things out of peoples discarded things, but every time I try to sell these things it never seems to happen. I don't know why that is. I do have an etsy shop but I guess I haven't put enough on there. I have some things and I know that I can add more and more but I haven't done it yet. Here are some of my other works. The flower pot illustration is fun. I think I should make more of these. Little pots of flowers. Other artists do big canvases and make big bucks. Do I sound like I'm whining? I don't know if creative works go with brokeness. Perhaps I should say less and be more mysterious.

Saturday Night Fever

I think I know what the heck I'm doing and I imagine myself doing what I normally would do on a Saturday night and then.. I don't feel like going and I don't want to leave again. I guess I'm feeling lonely but I don't want to be with people. That seems odd to me. Trying to find things to be grateful for because I feel sorry for myself. Maybe its a statement of contrasts. Who knows .. I don't seem to be able to make any decisions lately. Thanks for looking. You know I was looking at these photos and thinking its not that it's broken as much as what's holding the pieces together. Its the connection that intrigues me.

Another week gone by

I still can't believe that another week is over. I feel like I've been wandering around wondering which road to take. I had an email from someone that I have been writing too about spiritual things and got the impression that he was ending the conversation and for some reason this really poked me and I found myself feeling this avalanche of emotion. I went to bed and cried for what felt like hours. When I awakened in the morning I felt like I had a hangover.. a crying all night feeling hangover. Distance always has a way of reshaping the events or giving one a perspective that emotions seems to cloud. I realized that the emotion was totally not in line with what was happening. So why did that happen? I decided that I was triggered about feeling rejected. God knows I've had plenty of rejection and some felt so deep that it cut to the center of my soul and while I may not be able to put my finger on the exact one rejection that hurt the most, i wonder if it may be collective. The sum of all rejection was experienced at that moment. Maybe I cried a big piece out of my heart so that the next time I might feel this way it won't hurt quite so much. Who knows ..but it certainly clouded my whole week and it makes it difficult to leave the house. So yeah I feel a tad depressed but .. it'll get better. Things change.. so does life. I sure do miss the followers that had commented .. .

Saturday

I got to stay home today... but may have to head out .. I'm trying to extract myself from this strong desire to stay in bed all day. I don't want to go anywhere, today maybe I just need to sleep. I had a good time yesterday with my best friend and her husband but today I just want to stay home. Some days I just want to hide and other days I'm sad because I think no one even knows I'm here. I don't know that it can be both ways. Sometimes I just get to feeling so lonely yet I don't want to be around people .. Its a feeling of contrasts. Kind of like beauty in broken. Doesn't make sense but I love the broken glass photos that I've taken. I want to look at them or do something with them. They move me .. moving is good.

Wednesday

Somewhere between daylight and night air my body succumbed to the virus that was apparently lurking inside my body. I've never been sick as much as I have these past several months. My head hurts and I can't even decide what to do next except perhaps the next thing is going to be sleep. My body hurts, my ears feel funny and my nose is all stuffed up .. aaaaaaccccck!! So life happens and the worst part of it is I don't feel like creating anything, except maybe these words.




I added some more pictures, maybe the words don't flow like they did before. The photos I think speak for me. They have their own meaning.

Monday Monday

Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday Monday, how could you leave and not take me.

And so it begins again another week. What will I do to fill the time this week. Tomorrow I will be gone all day and it feels like such an interuption to my week. Sometimes I just want to stay home all week and never go anywhere. And then I remember I can plan to do things and really try to get somewhere. I make things happen if I plan. Then I get distracted or tired or something.
Why am I here?
Sometimes I forget.
I'm going to go outside and shoot broken glass in the rain. Sounds funny doesn't it? I added another photo of broken glass today. I love the texture.