I think I know what the heck I'm doing and I imagine myself doing what I normally would do on a Saturday night and then.. I don't feel like going and I don't want to leave again. I guess I'm feeling lonely but I don't want to be with people. That seems odd to me. Trying to find things to be grateful for because I feel sorry for myself. Maybe its a statement of contrasts. Who knows .. I don't seem to be able to make any decisions lately. Thanks for looking. You know I was looking at these photos and thinking its not that it's broken as much as what's holding the pieces together. Its the connection that intrigues me. Connections
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Saturday Night Fever
I think I know what the heck I'm doing and I imagine myself doing what I normally would do on a Saturday night and then.. I don't feel like going and I don't want to leave again. I guess I'm feeling lonely but I don't want to be with people. That seems odd to me. Trying to find things to be grateful for because I feel sorry for myself. Maybe its a statement of contrasts. Who knows .. I don't seem to be able to make any decisions lately. Thanks for looking. You know I was looking at these photos and thinking its not that it's broken as much as what's holding the pieces together. Its the connection that intrigues me. 
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I have always thought of myself as broken. There is some part of me that a long time ago got damaged beyond repair. It's not a huge part, and I've certainly gone on in my life.
ReplyDeleteI worry about the effect I've had on the people in my life.
I am always drawn to things, writing, paintings, any thing that uses the broken theme. I've never thought about looking at the opposite. The connections. I'll be thinking about this today.
I think that part of you that you felt got broken somehow connects you to other brokeness that you see in the world. Perhaps that is the connection and it can be so powerfully good in many ways. You said you've gone on in your life inspite of this damage maybe that part can just be enough for others to be able to go on in their life just because you were able to go on. Mostly, other broken people feel less alone when they find out that someone else out there feels the same way and that may just be enough to help them go on. I used to think I was born broken because of what one person said about me and because of where I was at that time but it was other things that caused me to be the way I was and not because I was born. So .. now we have a connection, you and I, in our feeling of brokeness and I think that is a really good thing. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting turn of conversation. In my real life, in person, I tend to draw other people to me who are very broken. People with large problems that need someone non-judgemental.
ReplyDeleteI've never thought too much about the why of it, but I think you've probably correctly said it.
It would be a lonely thing to think you were born broken. I'm glad you don't think that anymore.
Isn't it amazingly wonderful when we think our brokeness has caused others to be negatively affected by it when, as you have so beautifully become aware of, it really draws people to you that need some kind of healing or kindness or just listening too. I learned through my own suffering that we often teach what we most need to learn and perhaps in helping heal or sort out problems of those we draw into our life, we also heal ourselves. Thanks for this wonderful reminder and awareness. And this reminds me of a saying that is deeply spiritual, told to me by a dear friend; "Nothing is more whole then a broken heart."
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